alone

I sit here and think I have all these friends, but why do I feel so alone all the time. I hate that I have one friend I can count on. I hate that I have no life. I am so unhappy, starting to get depressed. I just don't' know what I want any more.

Carl getting out of the navy scares the shit out of me. I don't know how to don't' know how to handle it. I just don't' know any thing any more.

the joys of being a mommy

So today I have decided that the fight that I have been having with Maddie pants to nurse, just isn't working for us any more. She isn't happy, I am not happy. I know and understand that its the best thing for her. But she will not nurse and i can't force her to do it. Giving her formula isn't the easiest choice I have made, but hey babies got to eat.
We made it almost 4 months, and I must say it was a long, long 4 months. I am proud of what we did. She has been on the bottle for 2 days not and is napping and sleeping better and is happy and full.
I was feeling like a horrible mom, that I wasn't giving it my best. But in the long run as Carl has said if she is happy and healthy that is all that matters. I can't beat my self up about my tiny nipples that make it hard for her to latch, my low milk supply and the fact that she just doesn't want to do it.

I need to just be able to enjoy my baby and not dread every time I need to feed her.

I am happy with my choice and I know she will be a happy healthy formula fed baby:)

and on a bright note my Little mad pants ROLLED over today :) I missed it just like i missed the first time Emma rolled over. But I am one proud mamma.
I am going to miss having a tiny baby in the house. I love when they what to snuggle and just sleep in mommy.

life as I see it

Well today is my very first blog post:) I sit here and think..hmmmmm what should i write, what do people really want to read about. What makes my laugh so special. Really there isn't any thing. I am just me, just a mommy and a student and a wife. I am someone's kid, niece, granddaughter, sister.
I sit here on this chilly morning and think about all the disappoint me I feel and how I expect so much of people and get nothing in return. Thats sad, I try so hard to be a good person and help out as where I can.  Why can't people do the same thing for me? Do I not deserve for people to care about me? Do my girls not deserve to be loved like any other little girl. They are just children, they don't deserve to be forgotten or dumped on.
I am just so annoyed with life right now, that I wish I could just hit the re start button. Where is this magic button?  Its something that I could use right now....

well thats all I have to ramble about for right now